My Problem

OK, this is not an easy thing for me to admit, but I have a problem: I am too attractive!

I can hear the smirks and the comments... Yes, I do have a mirror and Yes, I do look in it on a regular basis and Yes, I know I am a 45 year old mother of 3 with a waist that could loose a couple of inches and a double chin, but I still have this problem: I am too attractive. Seriously!

Please hear me out, I have proof!

I have always had the problem for as long as I can remember. My mother has it too and so does my sister. Adriaan doesn't, but I guess that's because he is too hairy.
It comes and goes and it changes with the seasons and even with the countries we live in. In Nigeria it was potentially fatal, but I don't think it has ever bothered me as much as now that we live in India.

Funny thing is that it are always females that hit on me. I have no problem with lesbians, I know some very lovely and very beautiful lesbian women (I have also met some really scary dikes, but let's keep that for another blog), but the sisterhood is not for me.

Things have gotten out of hand to such an extend that I decided to buy a weapon. It is one of those taser kind of devices that gives an electrical shock and paralyses the victim. Every night before I go to bed I go for a walk armed with this weapon and every morning again. I am sad to say I have had to use it on a daily basis, but I still haven't got them under control.

I have also tried to use special lotions and potions to repel the ladies, but the Indian variety seems not to be able to smell properly.

What I am asking of you is advice on how to keep the ladies away from me! I am loosing sleep over it and I fear it is starting to affect my good looks. It is bugging me!

I told you I have proof, so here it is:

I know, not a pretty picture....

 My weapon of mass destruction, with rechargeable battery!



So please my friends, what can I do?????????

Family

When are you part of a family? Is is just by blood or marriage? I come from a small family myself. Besides my parents I have one sister and two brothers, three aunts and two uncles, one niece and three nephews*. My sister and one brother are married and they both have one girl and one boy each.

Adriaan comes from a family of four too, but he has/had many uncles and two aunts and they all have several children. I don't think I have met them all by a long shot.
Adriaan's sister has two girls and his youngest brother a boy and a girl.

I guess all those people count as family in the official sense of the word.

This week I got a message on Facebook from one of my 3 adopted brothers to ask for my address in India, because he wants to send me a birth announcement when his first child will be born in May.
Adopted brother? Well yes, in a Whitney Houston kind of way (and no, I am not engaged to him in a Bobbi Kristina kind of way), so nothing official with paperwork etc. My parents had nothing to do with this adoption, it was my sister that caused it all. I am not sure if she adopted them or they adopted her, it happened a long time ago, but since she became their sister so did I by default.

I also have an adopted son. He lives with his (biological) parents in Ireland. We all know each other from our time on Bonny Island and we have one of those rare friendships where we all get along really well. We feel at home at each other's houses and whenever we get together (not often enough) both families automatically become one. The four boys are like brothers and all four of the adults are their parents. We trust each other with the most precious thing on earth: our children.

Officially all this 'adoption' business is nonsense, but to me it feels real. Those people are family to me. Even more so than some true relatives are.


* I think I have the English terms mixed up again. I always make mistakes when it comes to nephews and nieces or cousins. In Dutch there are no different names, the children of your brother or sister are nephews and nieces but also the children of your aunt or uncle.

PS

Internet also helps to 'extend' your family. I am in contact with two female cousins (hope I got it right this time) of Adriaan. I have met their parents, but I have never met them personally. We read each other's blogs and are friends on FB. The funny thing is that one of them has a son that has a typical Spaander face. He looks a lot like A's youngest brother and his son. No better proof of family ties than that.

#Bleep# Friday

Somehow a lot of the blogs that are on my favourites list are from Australian women. Every Friday quite a few of them write what has 'pissed them off' during the past week. They call it FFS!!! Friday. I never use the F-word, but sometimes I feel like a FFS!!! blog.

Why?

To keep our Indian visas valid, we have to go to the FRRO (Foreign Registration) every year. A long process that changes often, so you never know what you are in for. Your passport needs to be valid for the lenght of the FRRO validity. My boys' passports expire in March 2013, so we will need new passports for them before June/July. Strangely enough Adriaan and the boys have 5 year visas for India (I only have one for 2 years...), while their passports expire within that 5 year period (mine is valid till 2015).
To apply for a new passport we will have to travel to the Dutch Embassy in Mumbay. It can all be done in a day (the application and even the return trip) and then the new passports will be send to the Consul here in Bangalore.
Today I read in the Dutch newspaper that a shortage in new passports is anticipated, since the law will change and children will need their own passport from June, because it won't be allowed anymore to add them to the parent's passport. Looks like we might have a potential problem to get the new passports in time for the FRRO renewal.... FFS!!!

On the up side: we have a long weekend thanks to Ugadi, New Year in Karnataka, the state where we live. So far I have used our extra day to sleep in, lounge around, read a book and write this blog. Let's see if I can get my men to come to the pool with me later this afternoon.

Parent - Teacher Conference

This is what my dinner table looks like at the moment. It is also where my frustration of today originates: planning my slots for the parent - teacher conference on the 28th.

Earlier this week we received an email from the school secretary with the request to indicate who I wanted to talk to on the 28th. I replied that I wanted to meet with all the boy's teachers. I also said I would like to have a double slot for the teachers that Josh and Ruben both have and I mentioned that I had already scheduled a meeting with Simon's teacher, from 10:00 till 10:15.
Yesterday I received another email, with the allocated times. First slot: 10:00 for Ruben..... Great! And just a single slot for every teacher, even when it is for both J and R..... {SIGH}

The whole schedule was sent as an excel sheet. I tried to write all the slots down in my agenda but the file was so big that I lost track of times and teachers in no time, so I decided to print the whole thing. It took 8 pages!!! After sticking it all together I went wild with the markers.

There were slots with teachers that don't even teach my boys and no slots with some of the teachers they do have. Thank God for modern technology, so I could make the changes online.

I think I have got it covered now. All teachers from all 3 boys between 10 and 12. Mind you, that's on paper, because in real life it is never going to work out as planned. Strangely enough most parents haven't got a clue how long (or rather short) 10 minutes are and they just keep on talking. The teachers are not much better in time keeping either. I will be that mother, standing in their space, being very annoying, claiming my hard earned 10 minutes!

The things mothers wish they’d known earlier….

I found a clip on a blog this morning and I like it a lot. What would you wish you had known before your first child was born? What advise would you give a friend that is about to become a mother/father? For me it is almost 15 years ago that I became a mother and I don't think I would have really listened to any of the advise that I could give now haha, but the main thing that I have learned is: ENJOY the moment, the cliche is true they grow up so fast!!!


http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/the-things-mothers-wish-theyd-known-earlier/

Dining out

Last night we went to Kavitha's house for dinner. She lives close to the slum where I give English lessons and that area is filled with hustle and bustle in the evening. Everyone is out on the streets it seems and the atmosphere was great (although that is very superficial because fights are very common too, mainly caused by alcohol abuse). I always see lots of photo-opportunities, but it is not the kind of area to walk around with a big camera at night.
It wasn't easy to find the house, so Kavitha's husband Robert came to meet us at some point to guide us on his bike. On these occasions it is great to have a driver because the roads are very small and filled with people, carts (with vegetables), motor bikes and dogs. Finding a parking spot wasn't easy either.

Kavitha and her family live in an apartment block on the first floor. They have a living room, bedroom and kitchen. It is not very big, so when we entered with 5 the space was filled to the brim. It is one of those buildings that make me a bit uncomfortable because there is no way out if anything happens. The power went off for a while and the whole building went pitch black. Candles were lit and although it gave a nice cosy feeling it also made me realise that it is a big fire hazard.
Baburaj told us that he had been on the roof of the building and that the power lines are so low that small children can easily grab them and get electrocuted...

It was lovely to meet Kavitha's husband Robert and her 3 daughters. The girls are not shy (at all), they showed us their school work and sat with us to talk.
The food was very tasty, Kavitha knows what we like and she found some new recipes to surprise us with.

We had a great night out and it was so nice to get to know Kavitha's family (and her neighbours) and see where she lives. It is very humbling too. When I go to the slum on Tuesdays or when we drive through the poorer areas of Bangalore like last night, it makes us realise how lucky we are to be able to live the way we do. 

My Love

I met the love of my life on campus, when we were both at University. We were living in neighbouring flats. It is a miracle that we ever got to know each other, because there were only a few hours a day that we were both awake. Adriaan is a night person, he sleeps in and goes to bed late. I on the other hand am a morning person, up early and to bed on time. I need my 8 hours sleep.
I fear the day he retires (for more than 1 reason), because we will probably only meet in the bathroom, when I get up and he gets ready for bed...

Thank God we did meet and hooked up. We have a wonderful life together and we have 3 beautiful sons. I love the man to bits, but he also drives me nuts. I know it is all very cliche: opposites attackt and then, when time goes by, those opposites are the things that you want to change about your partner. I also know you can't change anyone and shouldn't even try. After 24 years together I should know him well enough to play my cards right and charm him into what I want him to do without him noticing it, but I am not that subtle most of the time.

Why am I writing this? Not sure, maybe as some sort of 'therapy', maybe to hear from you what your experiences are, most likely because he has been on my nerves big time lately and I haven't said much about it. I can't get my finger behind it: why am I so annoyed? Is it just me being difficult or the change in weather and subsequent lack of sleep (too warm for me to sleep without the air con on, but he can't sleep because it is too cold and too loud, so he switches is off when he goes to bed and than I wake up at 4 am completely soaked) or just the time of the month? I don't know, but I have decided to try very hard to see the good and ignore the bad and the ugly as much as possible.

The good: he is the most kind hearted and level headed person I know, he is a great father and his career has taken us to some of the most wonderful places on this planet.

Adriaan I love you (but please don't retire any time soon)!

Mid-week status update

This week is exam week for J&R. They have been studying hard and are getting tired of it mid-week. Two more days to go.

Adriaan had a conference call last night, a work related dinner tonight and a employee-only party coming Friday. I have a dinner party tomorrow evening, so it looks like we won't see much of each other till Saturday.

When my parents left India on the 13th of February, my dad wasn't feeling too well and he has been under the weather ever since. Last weekend his leg started to bother him and at the moment his upper leg is swollen and purple. The doctor is running tests, so I hope they will find the cause soon. I can't shake the feeling that it is all a result of their visit and it makes me feel guilty somehow.

On the up side: I have had a very relaxed day today. I stayed home all day. One of my neighbours came over for coffee and we had a great time chatting away for hours. I love it when a conversation flows easily and you discover you have a lot in common.

This Saturday there is a Holi celebration on our compound, Simon has a birthday party in town and we will go for dinner at Kavitha's house. I guess Sunday will a lazy day for all.

Silence the Guns

On Khadija Teri's blog I found this song. It may not be the musical highlight of the year, but I like the lyrics!

Silence the Guns by SamiSerraj

Yoga Workshop

Ohm

Last week a friend asked me if I wanted to come along to a yoga workshop. She really wanted to go, but didn't feel like going alone. I used to go to yoga classes in the Netherlands (a long time ago) and liked it so I said yes to my friend. Then I got the info....:

Yoga for Self Healing

Learn an easy and effective Self Healing Technique that works wonders for your overall health...
Swami Maheshananda will teach the Yogic concept of Prana (the vital life force).
When prana is balanced and in harmony with the energy of the world around, we feel healthy, full of vitality and able to respond to life in a joyful and creative way.
When it is imbalanced, we feel weak, unwell, and unable to deal with life effectively.
Wherever energy is blocked and stagnant, there is a possibility of disease and dysfunction. You will learn to feel and manipulate your own prana (life force) through Yoga practises that support healthy and balanced prana.
This workshop offers an opportunity to study Prana Vidya (pranic Self-healing techniques).
By using these techniques we can liberate trapped energy, thus promoting healthy function of all the organs, the emotions and the mind.

About Swami Maheshananda:
He travels nationally and internationally to conduct seminars and workshops on Yoga and has led groups on high altitude pilgrimages to Kailash, Manasarovar in Tibet and Indian Himalayas. He was initiated into the Dasnami Sannyasa Order by Paramhamsa Niranjanananda, the anointed successor of Paramhamsa Satyananda. Swami Maheshananda lived with his Guru for twelve years, serving his Guru's mission in various capacities.

http://wanderingmahesh.blogspot.in
http://facebook.com/swami.mahesh


OK, that sounded fine, but then I saw it was a full day workshop, from 10 till 16hr, and I started to realise it was a very serious affair with a real Swami even. The term Swami to me is a synonym for old man with a long white beard, dressed in nothing but an orange dhoti, and equals VERY SERIOUS yoga.

I checked out the links and found that Swami Mahesh is not old, has no beard but is dressed in orange alright.

I had said yes to my friend and had no good reason to say no after all, so I borrowed a yoga mat and went to the workshop. We were in a group of about 12 people, most of them seasoned yoga-ites and some even yoga teachers. Swami Mahesh is a very nice guy and he started with a lecture on the concept of Prana, chakras and energy flow in the body. After that the yoga exercises started and, to my great relief, I didn't have any trouble keeping up. But then the Ohm-chanting started... We had to block our ears with our thumbs and cover our eyes with the other fingers and chant 'Ohm'. The resonation that the chanting causes in your head and body is supposed to be very beneficial for the enegry flow, but it drove me nuts. I tried it for 2 sequences and only lip synced after that (sorry Swami). Boy was I glad that exercises was over!

Little did I know there was more pain in store for me.... must have been the bad karma from not doing the Ohm chanting serious enough...

"Lunch break and after that more yoga, starting with: Ohm chanting" (my first reaction was to get my mat and run). I stayed and had lunch with my friend and decided I would have a look at the terras that I was sitting opposite to on my mat. I walked over and wanted to step out, just to find out there was a fly screen door. Never saw it so I ran into it in a full head on collision, banging my right foot very hard against the bottom part causing the screen to rip out and my foot to hurt badly. The worst thing however was feeling very embarrassed for doing such a stupid thing. I got the screen back into the rail and myself back on my mat with a throbbing toe.

The afternoon session was fine, I survived the Ohm chanting by keeping the vibrations down (by chanting in a soft voice) and it helped that we didn't have to block our ears and eyes this time. The meditation after that went very well and I didn't fall asleep (quite some snoring going on around me), but my foot kept bothering me.

Looking back, the morning after, I know a full day yoga workshop is not my cup of chai and I won't be found chanting Ohm any time soon. My toe is killing me and my muscles ache from the exercises, but I did enjoy the yoga itself.