Incredible India 2

Today was one of those days that turned out completely different than planned. Usually I do the weekly shopping at Hyper City on Monday morning, but yesterday I got an invitation for a birthday lunch in the city, so I decided to do part of the shopping at our local supermarket and the rest later this week at HC.

This morning I found a message saying the lunch was cancelled, so a whole "empty" Monday with endless possibilities opened up to me. But not for long....

After dropping Adriaan off at the office, Baburaj noticed that one of the car's tires was a bit flat, so he decided to go to the petrol station to add some air. While the car was parked and the tire got filled, one of the guys from the petrol station decided to move a truck that had just been filled and whose driver had gone to pay. The fact that the man had no licence and no clue, became evident when he forgot that a truck is quite wide and passed too close to our car.  Result:

Broken light cover, squished metal and a nice dent

With this one mistake several people got involved: Baburaj, our driver + the petrol station guy + the driver of the truck (who wasn't driving the truck and never told the boy to do so) + the owner of the petrol station and (with the phone call from Baburaj to explain what had happened) ME (should probably be I).

After telling me what had happened, Baburaj handed the phone to the owner of the petrol station, who apologised for the mishap en said he took complete responsibility for what his worker had caused. I told him I appreciated that very much, but that I would like to have that in writing.

So when Baburaj came home he indeed had a letter, signed and stamped, for whatever good that would do us.

After a cup of strong coffee Babu and I headed for Nandi Toyota to get an estimate of the cost for repair. It turned out that their estimate was in case we pay the repair our self, we had to go to a different location to get an estimate in case we let our insurance handle the repair.

In both cases we will have to fork out at least Rs 20.000,=!!!!

With the estimates we went to the petrol station to talk to the owner to see if he could 'help us out'. The man was very friendly and our discussion very civilised, but bottom line was that I didn't have many options. We can sue the truck driver, because it was his truck that did the damage. It would mean getting the police involved, the truck confiscated for some days and a court case. The truck driver/owner would have to pay a fine (to the court, not to us) and we would only get a report for the insurance company out of it. He would loose a lot of money and he didn't even drive. Bottom line: we would still have to pay Rs 20.000,=

The owner of the petrol station offered us the use of his car for the time our car would be at the garage for repair, so we don't have to rent one. He got the young man in that did drive the truck and I showed him the estimate. He almost wet his pants. He apologised and offered to pay Rs 4000,= most likely the largest part of his monthly pay.

In most countries I know) people have insurance to cover the damage they cause. In India your insurance pays (part of) the damage someone else causes....

After some thinking we decided to have the damage repaired on our cost and made a deal with the owner of the petrol station to give us two full tanks of Diesel.

Tetra Pack Bags for sale

Last Friday I spent the whole day at the boys' school with 3 women from ANU (the slum project that I volunteer for).

The Canadian International School Bangalore collects used tetra packs for ANU and because of Earth week they asked us to come to school to show and sell the bags that the women make.
I had brought a car load (literally!) of bags to school on Thursday, so on Friday morning I was at the unit to pick the women up at 8:00 o'clock. Nobody was there yet, but I was greeted by a couple of goats.

We left in time to start the sale at 9:30 and had a constant stream of customers till 15:15 hr. Most of what we brought got sold and everyone was surprised about what could be made from discarted drinks cartons.



It was a long, warm day, but it was great fun and we made a nice sum of money for ANU.

Incredible India

This week started of nicely. The boys' new passports were home delivered (!) by the Dutch Consulate's Liaison Officer (thank you Ineke).  We have started collecting all the papers we need for our Resident Permit Extension, that is probably going to be another blog filling Incredible India story...

Monday was also the first day of Swim Camp at Vista for Babu's children. I had enrolled them for the swimming lessons a while ago and they were really looking forward to it. Three weeks of swimming lessons, 5 days a week.
I went to the pool to witness a whole bunch of kids, all trying to float and kick or just try and be brave enough to stick their head under water. Babu's son took to it like a duck to water ;-).
Babu's daughter was a bit nervous when it was time for her lesson, but she did really well too.

Tuesday I spent the whole day at the slum as volunteer at the Summer School. It was warm, smelly, noisy and chaotic, but so much fun. Word of the day: Auntie. In India it is considered polite for a child to call an adult woman auntie and a man uncle. So the children try to get your attention by pulling at you, pushing you or even hitting you, while calling auntie, auntie, auntie, over and over again.
All volunteers wear name tags, but most of the children can't read, so they ask: "Auntie, what is your name?" After a whole morning of being called auntie, I answered: "Auntie", and none of the kids thought that was strange.

When Summer School ended just after three o'clock, I saw I had several missed calls from Babu. I called him back and heard his children were not allowed to take part in the swimming lessons anymore and security had told them to leave. I was surprised and confused (to put it mildly).
Apparently one of the parents at the pool had complained on Monday that the children from a driver were taking the class. Instead of coming to me (I was at the pool and sat with Babu's daughter), security was alerted and the Management Committee (MC) informed.
So after Monday evening and the whole of Tuesday without getting in touch with me, they decided -against the coach's request- to take a little boy out of the pool mid lesson..... I felt so embarrassed. Those children were my guests and, regardless of their father's profession, they and I should have been treated with more respect.

I can fully accept the fact that only the children from Vista residents are allowed to take classes, but I doubt if that is indeed the case and in this particular instance I am sure that wasn't the reason for the complaint.
The coach was told that it was because driver's kids were not allowed and no exception could be made because then all the drivers would want their children to take classes.

To make sure that embarrassing mishaps like this would not happen to us again, I wrote an email to the MC asking for clarification on the matter.
Wednesday afternoon a MC representative came to my house to talk to me. She apologised for the fact that things were handled the way they were without getting us involved. She also explained again that the children from drivers are not allowed to take classes at Vista. This because if drivers are allowed, maids would also want their children to participate and then things would get out of hand and it could become a health and hygiene risk...

I have been really upset by all of this, but I also realise this is the perfect example of a clash of cultures. India has officially abandoned the caste system, but it is still very much ingrained in Indian society. These days it is maybe more of a class system.
Being Dutch means I have been raised in a society that has compromise and consensus written all over it. Everyone should be treated equally, no matter what background they have or what colour their skin. I know very well that discrimination and inequality exist in The Netherlands too, but we are taught it is wrong. I was raised by my parents with the phrase "treat others like you would want to be treated"  and that has been what I try to install in my children too.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying all Indians are discriminating, but the social structure and with that the way people approach eachother, is not based on equality.

I don't want to be that foreigner that lives the good life abroad, but critisises the country that hosts me. If you don't like it, leave I would say. I will file this under 'lessons learnt' and will try to be more sensitive to India's culture, but it will sometimes be with great difficulty and lack of sleep.

What's in a name?

My name has been a source of  misunderstanding and fun for as long as I can remember. When I introduce myself I often have to repeat my name several times and am asked to spell it. Then still a lot of people are  too embarrassed to say it and make up a name that sounds similar.

My hairdresser comes from China originally and she was the first one that didn't think it was a funny name. She told me it means Good Luck in Chinese. I like that.
I was at the hairdressers last week and had to laugh when I got the bill and saw how she spelled my name.

What's in a name?

15 completed!

Yesterday son #1 turned 15. Here in India they say:"He completed 15 and started his 16th year."

We had cheese cake for breakfast and for desert!
Joshua went out with his dad to buy a new lap top and had Hot Wings at KFC for lunch on the way back home.
After checking out his new toy he went for a swim.
Dinner was Penne Arrabiata.

This day sums up his favourites: swimming, computers and food. He had a great birthday.

Lazy Sunday

It is Sunday, a blissfully lazy Sunday. We all slept in and the boys are still in their pyamas. Adriaan is making coffee (2nd round today) and is reading a book. I have made a start with a new puzzle and read my emails and my blog list. And it is only lunch time....

Yesterday we spent the day with friends on another compound. We went to the pool with the kids (6 boys aged 11 - 16) and played with a ball. Parents in one team, the boys in the other. We fast came to the conclusion that we had too many boys and we were getting too old to win from them (and we all have muscle aches today from trying to overpower them anyway).
It is amazing to see how fast everyone else leaves the pool when a group of 11 people starts throwing a ball around (and making quite some noise and splashes).

For lunch we sent the younger generation to the McD. and the oldies had a lovely lunch of Quiche and croissants.

Adriaan took the guys Karting for a few hours and we just sat and chatted away, sang songs and laughed till we cried.
The man folk came back with big grins and red faces. Josh had had a flat tire because he ran over Stijn's Iphone.... Simon came in last, but got voted 'Best Driver' by Baburaj (our driver).

Somehow we ended up watching You Tube clips from "xxx got talent". We covered Britain, China, Korea, Mongolia, and some more.

We arrived back home with sun burned faces and big smiles.

Mumbai for 1 day

So the boys and I went to Mumbai. We left Monday afternoon and arrived back Tuesday night. All those miles for some fingerprints....

Mumbai must have been a beautiful city in the days of the British rule. The architecture is wonderful, but the buildings look like they haven't been maintained since the Brits left. The whole city looks like it could do with a good clean and a fresh coat of paint.

The temperature was about the same as in Bangalore (30 - 33C), but it is very humid so it feels a lot warmer.

We didn't do any touristy things in Mumbai. We went to get passport photographs (took 45 minutes) and then went to the Dutch Consulate to apply for the new passports. I had a whole stack of paperwork prepared for each application and Thank God it was all in good order... my biggest nightmare was to come all that way and find out 1 document was missing.

Josh and Ruben had their fingerprints taken and then the system went down. They were not sure if the prints got sent to the Netherlands or not, and of course they had no idea when the system would be up and running again.
We left for the airport not knowing whether or not everything had gone through ok. We checked in and went through security and then I saw it: missed call from the consulate....
Luckily they had called to say it looked like it had all gone well!

Today we had a lazy day at home. We finished the puzzle and will start a new one tomorrow.

Easter Sunday

HAPPY EASTER!!!

This is the first Easter in a long time that we don't celebrate in The Netherlands, with our families. Celebrating special (religious) days abroad are always different. We try to make them as 'normal' as possible, but it always ends up different than expected and somehow that makes it feel a bit less 'real'.

In preparation for today, I had looked for a Catholic Church close by and I had looked up the time for Mass in English. We arrived on time, but the Mass in one of the local languages was still going, so we had to wait (20 minutes). The church was filled to the brim and there was quite a crowd standing outside too.
We found a place to sit inside and the Mass started soon, in Malayalam, the language they speak in Kerala.....

We were sitting in the first half of the church, so you can imagine how big it is. Many a priest in Europe would be dreaming of saying Mass in such a jam packed church.

One of the things that I have always found very comforting about the Catholic rituals, is that they are the same all over the world. So even if you don't understand the language, you still understand the rituals. It makes you feel at home where ever you are.


After Mass we drove home with a stop to buy coconuts and sugar cane juice to drink.

The sugar cane is put in this ingenious contraption. I am always a bit scared his hands will get caught in it too...

Adriaan and Josh with their sugar cane juice (and their funny faces)

We also stopped to have a look at a huge Hanuman statue that is in the process of being put upright. It is done manually with 16 people. It will be at least another month before it is completely installed.

The rest of the day was spent at the pool and at home. We have started a puzzle with 1000 pieces and it turns out to be very addictive to find and fit the right pieces.

My family was at my brother's house for a brunch this afternoon and we have been in touch on Skype, so we have seen each other after all...

Tomorrow the boys and I are going to Mumbai. We have to apply for new passports for the boys on Tuesday. I hope I have all the paperwork I need!

I will end this post with the shop front of a local tailor (or is it?).

(wrong) Impressions? 2

I am afraid my last post gave some of you the wrong impression (how fitting was that title?). It was meant as a funny story, but that didn't come across maybe.
Let me make one thing clear: there was no judgement intended, neither from me on my friend or from her on me!!!

The Expat Wife is a non existing creature, at least I have never met her. She is the stay at home spouse in a foreign country, with staff to wait on her hand and foot. She wears haute couture and pearl necklaces, drinks sherry and plays Bridge.

{hmmm, so far I only seem to lack the proper fashion sense ;-) }

I don't think any expat wife wants to be like The Expat Wife, that's why we joke about it when our lives start to look like hers.

I do have have Kavitha to clean and cook and Baburaj to drive us around, but we are also involved with their families (not only financially).
I do go out for coffee and lunches a lot, but that is what keeps me sane. I don't have my family around so my friends serve as a substitute. I don't work because I am not allowed to on this visa, so I volunteer by teaching English in a slum. I do see what circumstances these people live in and realise how lucky I am.

Expat life is great, but it puts you in a weird position. When in Rome do as the Romans, but outside Rome you might look like a snob...
When I am back in The Netherlands not very many people understand what life is like in India (or Libya or Nigeria) and to be honest even less are really interested.

The only thing I would like to do is to leave a good impression, whereever I am in the world, and to be able to laugh about the misunderstandings.


I think these two clips from French and Saunders are great!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hFDQxWSHO0&feature=player_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=xht7nqVmxR4

(wrong) Impressions?

Last week I finally spoke to a friend again on Skype. It had been ages since we had been in touch. Somehow we are never online at the same time strangely enough.
We met in Tripoli when I first visited the school and soon we became almost inseparable. Every morning at drop off we would say: "What shall we do today?" or "Where shall we go?" and at the rare occasion that we missed each other at the school grounds, we would would text: 'Coffee?' or 'Lunch?' We even started our own business together, designing iron lanterns and fire dishes, when the ones we had made for ourselves proved to be a hit.
We spent hours talking over coffee or in the car on the way to the souk, so it is safe to say we know each other well.

I was a bit lost when she left Tripoli to go to Dubai and it took me a while to navigate through life in Tripoli 'on my own'. I had enough friends left and my days were filled, but it was different.

So last week we finally spoke again on Skype. We talked about our families and our lifes and all things important. At one point my doorbell rang, so I said: "Hold on one minute, my driver is at the door with the groceries." ....... That is when I ruined my reputation ..... I never realised that what I had said was weird, but to my friend it was proof that I had turned into the prototype of an Expat Wife.

Have I? Maybe I have indeed. Is it bad? I don't know, but I think I am not a lost cause yet. I do realise my life is filled with luxury, but I don't take it for granted. I enjoy it but I don't need it, so i am not 'lost' I think.

My friend has decided not to have a cleaner and the other day she had put a note on the bathroom door to remind her children to put their laundry in the laundry room instead of leaving it ly around on the floor. Her youngest did it once and then came to her and said: "It is your decision not to hire a cleaner, not mine, so don't expect me to do your work again!" Now that is an expat kid if I ever saw one, hahaha ;-).